Joys Gedankensplitter
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Somewhere in the middle of the night, two very little winged creatures were sitting in a room on the ground. The one with the ponytail, Angel, took her magic wand out and made a little circle, mumbling softly. »Don't you just love the computer we won at Bingo«, she asked as a tiny computer appeared right in front of the angels.
»Yeah, I like the computer, but I sure as hell don't like the fact that we're supposed to do homework with it«, replied the butch angel at her side.
»Oh well.« Angel sighed and took her halo off, attaching it to the computer, to use it as a modem. »It's a shame that they delivered it while Ms NoDoubt was there.«
»Talkin' about our guard dog. Ya really sure she's asleep?« Pepperoni looked over his shoulder. Too many times they had been caught in the middle of some misdeed by the elderly angel that was with the two of them on a mission amongst humans.
»At least when I looked she was snoring happily. So I guess she's in lalaland.« Angel flipped her hair over her shoulder while she logged onto the Internet with AngelsOnLine.
»Let's hope so!«
»Stop being a chickenshit, Pepperoni.« Angel shot a glance at her company. »Are you a butch or are you not?«
The butch angel crossed his arms in front of his chest, while the riding crop he was carrying instead of a wand was pointing to one side. »Just cuz I don't wanna get caught AGAIN while doin' somethin' that popped into your glorious femme brain, it doesn't mean that I'm a coward.«
»You start to sound like you're getting an anxiety neurosis.«
»ME???« Pepperoni gasped. »It's not me flinchin' already only from hearin' certain names.«
Angel lifted her chin and decided that ignoring Pepperoni would probably be the best.
»My wings are not already flutterin' nervously if I hear "Sir" or "Ms".«
»Oh just hush up! That's totally different.« Angel typed on the keyboard – she tried to anyway, but she kept hitting the wrong keys.
Of course Pepperoni noticed this and smirked. »Oh yeah, different, ay? Are ya sayin' it's not nervousness but excitement that makes ya all -«
»Let’s just concentrate on what we want to do. How about that?« Angel didn’t dare look at Pepperoni because he was right, but there was no way the femme angel would admit this. »And besides that«, Angel turned her face towards Pepperoni with a minx grin. »I know that you are talking online to that FemmeBitchTop angel, so get off my back.«
Pepperoni narrowed his eyebrows. »That’s different.«
Angel laughed. »Sure it is.«
»She’s my mentor!« Pepperoni protested.
For a second Angel just stared at the butch angel beside her. Then she fell backwards laughing.
»Now what?« Pepperoni suspiciously watched Angel. Could she know anything?
Angel wiped her face with a handkerchief that she had pulled out of her dress, as usual creating a cloud of fairy dust.
Pepperoni grinned broadly, because now Angel’s face was covered with the glittering stuff. Two seconds later, the little femme sneezed.
»Excuse me!«
Pepperoni shrugged, then looked back at the screen. He wanted to say something but was cut off right away by Angel.
»So, Pepperoni, tell me something. If she is only your mentor and nothing else, why is it that you always have these huge shining eyes after you’ve been talking with her, hm?«
Pepperoni gasped.
Satisfied, Angel once more bent over the keyboard. She had the upper hand again – at least for now.
»Okay, I told you that I saw an interesting topic today as I flew by when J. was reading here.« Angel grinned at the butch beside her. »And I was flying really slow if you know what I mean.«
Pepperoni snickered. »Is that why J. asked ya what the frog** ya were doin there, flutterin around right in front of the monitor?«
Angel giggled and nodded. »Which didn’t make me move any faster, mind you.«
»Well, since you’re an…« Pepperoni thoughtfully narrowed his brows. »How did J. put it?«
Again Angel giggled. »S/he called me an impertinent creature.«
»That’s right. I couldn’t remember. But wasn’t there something else?«
»Oh yes!« Angel replied busily typing along on the keyboard. »Since I didn’t move fast enough, J. grabbed for a little ruler. Well, little compared to the other one that’s on the desk.« The femme angel looked at her company. »First I thought oopsy daisy, but then I saw that the ruler was pink and I burst out laughing.«
»Ohhh!« Pepperoni grinned broadly.
»Uh hu. I asked J. if he was in drag today.«
Pepperoni fell back and laughed out loud. Gasping for air, the butch angel wanted to know if that was the moment J. had called Angel a renitent fluttering pest.
»Yep, sure was. But then a certain Sir approached and I thought that was the perfect moment to excuse myself.« Angel shrugged. »Okay, here we are.« On the screen was the German Butch-Femme-forum. Even though the angels were speaking the international Guardian Angels language, both of them were able to read and understand any other language as well.
»What’s the topic anyway? Ya haven’t told me so far.«
Angel’s face was covered with a slight orange-golden angel-blush as she answered. »It was about strap-ons and orgasms.«
Dumbfounded, the butch angel stared at Angel.
»I just thought it might be interesting to know, you know.« Without looking at Pepperoni, Angel clicked her way through the forum. »Aren’t we supposed to be informed about everything that matters to J. since we’re her/his guardian angels?«
Pepperoni nodded. »That sounds… well actually like a perfect excuse.«
Angel giggled. »It is.« The femme angel said. »Okay, here we are. Now let’s see.« The two little angels started to read silently about butches and their experiences with strap-ons.
After they were done, both were quiet for a moment, taking in what they had just learned. Then Angel turned to Pepperoni, looking at him questioningly. »Since I am not butch, I have of course no idea. So tell me, are you able to orgasm by frogging with a dildo?«
Pepperoni gasped, his eyes nearly popping out. His face was covered by a deep flush at lightning speed. He opened his mouth helplessly, but there were no words coming out.
Angel narrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head. »Yes?«
Pepperoni still couldn’t answer and just stared at the femme angel.
»What made you so speechless? Is it a butch secret or what?«
Finally Pepperoni managed to squeak: »That ain’t your business!«
Angel thought about that for a moment. She was curious like hell because she hadn’t had any experience at all with strap-ons. Actually she had no experience whatsoever when it came to sex, but she was certainly good at hiding it.
»Now come on, spill it.« Angel probed.
»No froggin' way!«
»Don't you want to tell me because you never frogged with a cock?«
Pepperoni just crossed his arms, saying nothing at all. But his cheeks darkened again and Angel noticed.
»Ohh! You really didn’t, did you?«
»Yeah, so what?« Pepperoni grumbled.
»Aren’t you curious? I sure am.« Angel replied without thinking.
Pepperoni blinked a few times and then watched Angel clasping her hand over her mouth.
»Too late for that, Angel. Once again your loose mouth was faster then your brain.«
Angel glared at Pepperoni but didn’t say anything.
»I take it ya haven’t been frogged with a dildo, ay?«
With a short side glance Angel turned back to the computer and turned it off. She took her halo and put it back on, crooked like always. As often as she tried to get it straight, it just wouldn’t stay this way.
»Weren’t we talking about you?«
»Ya always wanna talk bout my stuff. What about you?«
Angel lifted her nose slightly, looking at the butch angel sideways. »We can talk about me when we’re done with you.«
The look on Pepperoni’s face was rather suspicious. »Deal?«
Angel nodded eagerly. »Deal.« She wanted to know as much as possible. She reached out to shake hands but pulled back quickly. »Don’t you dare spitting in your hand again!«
Pepperoni snickered. »Get over it. I’ve only done it once to piss ya off.«
Angel slowly raised one eyebrow. »I see.«
They both shook hands, then Angel sat back, looking at Pepperoni expectantly. »I’m listening.«
Pepperoni slightly blushed once more and avoided to look at the femme angel beside him. »There ain’t much to tell. I’ve never frogged anyone.«
»You said before, that you never used a dildo.« Angel impatiently answered.
Pepperoni sighed. »Ya don’t understand me. I’ve never had any sex at all.«
Angel’s eyes grew wide while her mouth opened slightly. »But… but… you always make remarks! You always give the impression that you have tons of experience!«
Pepperoni shrugged his shoulder. »Whatcha expectin'? That I’m admittin' in front of you that I’m a froggin'… virgin?«
»That is so butch! I don’t believe it!« Angel stood up and paced back and forth. »It’s so typical, it’s not even funny! It isn’t butch to act the big shot –«
»And you are an expert when it comes to butches?« Pepperoni wanted to know mockingly.
Angel stopped her pacing and put her hands on her hips. »Of course. I’m a femme.« She flipped back her hair and her wings were fluttering slightly creating a small cloud of fairy dust around her.
Pepperoni burst out laughing and shook his head. »Whatever. But before ya go on 'bout what’s butchlike and what’s not: we had a deal. Remember?«
Angel’s hands fell from her hips. »A deal, uhm, yes, that’s right.«
»So tell me, what experiences do you have?«
The femme angel folded her hands in front of her tummy, playing with her fingers and looked everywhere but at Pepperoni. »None«, she quietly said.
»None?«
»None.« Angel sighed, sat down again with crossed legs, and put her chin on one hand.
»Which means I ain’t the only virgin here. That’s kinda comfortin' to know, yanno.«
»Yes, but it also means that we can’t exchange experiences.« Once more the little angel sighed. She so very much wanted to know about that subject that everyone seemed to be talking about, that everyone seemed to know about except her – and Pepperoni as she had just found out.
»Ya don’t really think that I would have told ya every single detail.«
»Well, maybe not everything, but something.«
The two angels were sitting in silence for a few moments, both lost in their own thoughts.
Angel was the one breaking the silence by asking Pepperoni: »What shall we do now?«
»Whatcha mean?«
Angel gave Pepperoni one of her »Don’t give me that crap! You know exactly what I mean«-looks. But Pepperoni had no clue what Angel was talking about and shrugged helplessly.
»Oh come on, Pepperoni! Don’t you want to find out?«
»Find out what?«
Angel moaned and looked up to the ceiling. »Heavens! Why is it that this certain butch never understands what I’m saying?«
»Maybe cause ya never just simply say what ya wanna say?«
For that Pepperoni received a glare from Angel.
»All right Mr. SmartAss.« Angel pointed with one finger to the butch angel. »How about that: Don’t you want to know how it is with sex and all? Is that clear enough?«
»Uhm, yeah, thanks. That was perfectly fine.« Pepperoni scratched his nose.
»And your answer to my question is?« Angel wanted to know after a few seconds.
»Sure I wanna know. Who doesn’t?«
»My words, Pepperoni. My words. Now that we’ve finally come to an agreement about that, can we go one step further and figure out how we are going to find out more?«
»Not that I wanna challenge your wisdom, Angel. But when I look around I only see the two of us. There’s no one to ask let alone to try anythin' with.«
Angel got up and started pacing once more. »That’s right. There’s nobody except us.«
Pepperoni watched Angel walk around in circles, getting all dizzy. He started to get tired and yawned heartily. But the femme's next words nearly made him jump up so he was wide awake again.
»Why don’t we try it together? Just as an experiment, you know? So we finally know what all the talking is about.«
Pepperoni stared at Angel’s back. »Would you mind repeatin' that for me? I’m not sure I understood whatcha were sayin'.«
Without turning around Angel said: »Well, it’s not like we hate each other, is it? Aren’t we friends? So why not explore something we’re both interested in together as friends?« Which was close enough to the truth, because secretly Angel had a crush on Pepperoni. Pepperoni on the other hand wasn’t uninterested in the femme angel himself, but of course would have never admitted it.
»I’ve never ever even kissed you!«
Angel turned around. »Is that a reason or a complaint? And of course we could kiss before we do anything else.«
»I ain’t complainin' 'bout nothin'!« Pepperoni stood up as well now. This conversation was turning into a nerve wrecking situation. But then again, the butch angel thought, this was a perfect excuse to get closer to Angel than he had ever been before. And that might be very – interesting to say the least!
»There’s one problem though.«
»And that would be?«
»We don’t even have a strap-on.« Pepperoni said, like that was the required equipment everyone would need to explore sex.
Angel nodded slowly. »That’s an argument.« She thought for a moment, then an idea popped into her head. »We could borrow J’s and-« She put up her hand to prevent being interrupted by Pepperoni. »Of course we would have to make it smaller. But that shouldn’t be a problem.«
Pepperoni looked at Angel doubtfully. »I dunno. Your magical abilities still are not what I would call dependable.«
»I think it’s worth a try.« Angel said and thought: Or two or three.
»Right. Okay, but how will we get it here? Sure as hell we won't be able to drag it over here, big as it is.«
»We will just have to quietly get into J’s room and do it there?«
Pepperoni gasped. »Do it there?«
Angel rolled her eyes. »Not what you think, silly! Just making that dildo smaller so we can get it out of there.«
Pepperoni rolled his sleeves up. »I’m with ya.«
Angel took a deep breath. »All right. One, two, three – here we go.« Angel’s heart was beating hard in her little chest. This was going to be so exciting! She took off from the ground, heading to the door. Pepperoni was right beside her. They looked at each other for a moment, then the butch angel reached out and took Angel’s hand, not saying a single word, just turning his head forward again.
Angel beamed and sighed deeply. Without any noise they flew into J.’s dark bedroom and to the bedside table where J. usually stored toys and stuff. Together they hung onto the knob and pulled until the door finally opened, creating a cloud of fairy dust around them.
»Sometimes I wish you’d have a wand too instead of this crop. We could use some light here«, Angel whispered as they stood in the dark.
»It’s not my fault that I’m a cowbutch angel and not a wannabe magician.« Pepperoni answered just as quietly.
Angel mumbled something and for a moment the tip of her wand shone softly. »But I do have to turn out the light again, so I can use it for… uhm… the other spell.«
They didn’t have to look for long, the harness was laying right in front of them.
Angel took a deep breath. »Let’s see. Shrinking was one of the most frequently used spells at school. So I should be fine.«
Pepperoni crossed his fingers. He had witnessed too many times when Angel had created some kind of chaos with her wand. He figured as long as she didn’t make anything explode, they should be okay.
Pepperoni heard Angel’s quiet voice beside him. The butch angel closed his eyes and held his breath. Would it work this time?
»Sometimes doing your homework is a good thing.«
Pepperoni opened his eyes. The tone in Angel’s voice told him everything: the spell had worked just fine.
»Good job!« Pepperoni bent down and picked up the harness with the dildo, which he could see in the soft glow of Angel’s wand. Without looking at it too much, he turned around and looked at Angel. »And where are we going now?«
Angel thought for a moment, then a smile crossed her face. She took Pepperoni’s hand and pulled him with her. Angel had created a nice and cozy corner for times when she didn’t want to have anyone around her. But she would have never thought that one day she would use it as a place to have her first sexual experience.
She led the way without saying anything. When they had reached their destination, Angel turned around to pull the curtain behind them. To her surprise Pepperoni’s face was only centimetres from her own.
»It's now or never,« Angel whispered and leaned forward, gently pressing her lips to Pepperoni’s.
With a soft thud the strap-on landed on the floor as Pepperoni lifted his hands to touch Angel’s face. Angel reached around Pepperoni without stopping to kiss the butch angel. She had to fish for the curtain for a moment before she got a hold of it, but then she pulled it close, leaving them in private.

*

»Just where exactly did I put my strap-on?« I looked around, but couldn’t see it.
»Is that what you are looking for?« My femme wanted to know coming out of the bathroom, with my harness in her hands. I nodded with a grin, but hesitated and looked closer. »Uhm, is this a hint that you would like a bigger cock? You could have just told me, you know.« I said, examining the huge dildo that was hanging in the harness.
She raised her eyebrow and looked straight into my eyes. »Believe me, I would tell you if that was the case.«
»True.«
»Since you are so surprised… where does that cock come from?«
»I have no…« I stopped in mid-sentence. I remembered the incident with Pepperoni in the kitchen last night. I had been up to drink something and had seen a very groggy angel with a moronic grin on his face. Slowly my brain put one and one together.
»Angel!?! Where the heck are you? I know what you’ve been up to! You better get here right now and get things back in order or Ms NoDoubt will know what you and your butch buddy have been doing!«
»Angel and Pepperoni have been…« My femme looked from me to the dildo in her hands.
»I saw Pepperoni last night. And there were some kinds of straps sticking out of his boxers. I guess Angel was playing with her wand again.«
My femme burst out laughing. In between she stuttered something about being glad it wasn't the size of an angel's cock anymore.
Never ever tell me something about size doesn't matter!

**Instead of »fuck« or »fucking« the two angels use »frog« or »frogging« to keep themselves from blushing furiously and stuttering every time they use »dirty« language.

© Joy Schalunke



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